blessing your future self

Our Bible study group has been reading this phrase a lot in Every Home a Foundation by Phylicia Masonheimer. It's a concept that has motivated me more than once to "do now, what I will be happy that I did later". That could also serve as a succinct definition of wisdom. "Blessing my future self" is what I tell my brain when I need to make a certain food choice, or choose to fold the laundry right now instead of later, or make my bed in the morning, or empty the dishwasher, or any number of things.

I'm waiting on something right now - I have been for a while - and it's beginning to feel like that point in my workouts where I'm trying to maintain good form but seriously, I can only keep my abs in this position and my left leg in that position, and my right arm extended and my hands fully open for so long before the position is going to just completely lose it's integrity. I could maybe keep making it look right on the outside but I'd be using all the wrong muscles internally and my back would probably hurt tomorrow. Maintaining the correct posture of vulnerability before the Lord, while asking for something sincerely and waiting on Him to work - this is an exhausting thing to do. I'll admit this waiting period is building a lot of spiritual muscle in me.

When it gets to this point in the waiting process, there are a lot of things that I have to do mentally in order to avoid compromise. Listing them here hardly does me or you any favors, because we both already know what they are - remembering God's faithfulness, keeping the end goal in mind, keeping on taking the next right step forward. We already know.

I guess for today I'll take this angle - this is making me stronger. I'm learning to approach the Lord differently, and hold myself before Him differently. I'm learning to keep one foot planted and yet outstretch my hand further than I thought it could go before. I'm learning to feel differently inside about things that look exactly the same on the outside. I'm learning to avoid some things, some activities, some situations that I know will work against my desire for strength. Every choice I make right now to work this muscle (spiritual or physical), to stay in this position, to lean into the hard, and to allow it to change me, makes it easier for me to make the harder choice the next time too.

I continue to learn that what I do today will matter for tomorrow. One of my children in particular has a thin tolerance for waiting and needs to see pretty clear cause-and-effect sequences in order to stay motivated. That's something that I hope he grows in over time - the ability to invest in something of which he doesn't yet see the long-term effects. It's also something that I hope I grow in over time - a willingness to do now, what I'll be glad I did later - even though right now there's other things that would be easier to do. The time would go by faster if I'd take a nap, or scroll my phone, or do any number of other mind-numbing things. But that would be a true waste of time that already feels like it is evaporating with every day of seemingly unanswered prayer that goes by. No sense in wasting it further.

My body hurts the next day, but the next workout is easier. Waiting is so much like that. This is painful - but it makes me less afraid of not-yets. I'm getting a little better (I think) at standing in tension - in fact, standing "in tension" makes me more "at attention". I am listening and looking and learning from every little thing that the Lord sends. My hearing is acute, my eyes more attentive, my senses higher. Waiting has me looking for the end. Which is exactly what it is supposed to do - teach me to look for the End.

"Blessing my future self" is a guarantee. We know from experience that if we wipe off the kitchen counters this evening, we will be delighted the next morning. This is a short-term way to keep us moving when the long-term feels un-moveable. Keep on keeping on, as my Grandma would say. Doing today, what we will later be glad we have done - whether the desire of our heart is granted or not - makes us stronger in every way, far more fit for the Kingdom battle than we were before.