stewarding our influence

We speak often of stewarding our time, or our resources, or our talents. We don't often speak about stewarding our influence. I'm certain that if we as women truly understood the impact that we have on the people around us, we would talk about it more. Our circles of influence stretch far beyond what we think they do, and our ability to control within those circles of influence is far greater than we think it is. I do not say that to falsely empower us, or to make this a feminist blog post. Rather, I say that to persuade us all that we must consider our influence and steward it wisely. There are several different parts to stewardship of influence - one being a willingness to acknowledge areas where we do have influence, which can be uncomfortable. But it is not prideful to acknowledge places where God has given us weight to hold - in our homes, in our churches, or in our communities. Another is to consistently lean into, participate, and engage in those areas. And a third is to participate and engage well. It's possible to do any one of those things in isolation, but unless they are all three working together, it's likely that our light will be weak. I confess that often, my light is weak.

In her book "All That's Good", in her chapter "Whatever is Commendable", Hannah Anderson writes about a time in history where the coffeehouse model began. Coffeehouses have always been a third space, it seems - a valuable place in the community for gathering and openly sharing thoughts and ideas. Because of the low cost of coffee at the time, participation in the coffeehouse conversation was open to everyone and it drew a motley crew. Exchange of ideas and sharpening of iron happened there - as long as you were male. Women were excluded from this conversation. We don't really know for sure if they noticed their exclusion or not, because they were busy doing what women are gifted to do - extending hospitality toward one another and creating the same opportunity for conversation there. Anderson writes, "If the academy and coffeehouse belonged to men, the dining room and front parlor belonged to women. By literally controlling who could have a seat at the table, socially conscious women used their role as hostesses to facilitate important conversations and decide which topics gained traction under their roofs. In France, the sitting rooms of wealthy women became so influential that the 'salon' became synonymous with a place of refined dialogue and exchange of ideas." Beyond that, Anderson goes on to explain the role of those women in the boycott of sugar produced on slave plantations, to draw attention to the problem of slavery "from their pantries." "And", she writes, "It was because women decided to use their voices to expose the unfruitful works of darkness - despite living in a time when their voices could not be heard in the academy, Parliament, or even coffeehouses. For the sake of conscience, they spoke where they could even if it was only from their own kitchens and parlors."(pg. 150-151)

If there are those of us reading this who have a tendency to feel that that our voices as women are suppressed in our current environments, we may be nodding along and loving this right now. We feel empowered by these thoughts that affirm that we do indeed have power!

And it is exactly true - we wield so much power!

BUT. "At the same time", Anderson writes, "speaking against evil does not give us a carte blanche to speak in any way we choose. Discernment is about learning to speak well."

And it is exactly in that learning to speak well that we learn to use our influence as women well. I believe the feminist movement is largely uneducated about how powerful they actually are, or they would not be approaching their pursuit of power as they are. They already have a tremendous amount of power. It's just that they are using it against themselves, to try to prove their deservingness in a way that demonstrates a lack of deservingness. When we are uneducated, overly emotional or sentimental, or loud and whiny - women continue to dig themselves a hole that prevents us from being heard. Our method is louder than our message, and so the message is lost.

Being emotional is one of the things that women do best - and there is absolutely nothing wrong with this. I have been reading "Gentle and Lowly" by Dane Ortlund, and in his chapter "The Emotional Life of Christ" he writes extensively about the deep emotions of Jesus. Jesus became human as we are, and so he experienced a range of emotions. Ortlund suggests that Jesus more than likely experienced a much greater depth and range of emotions than even we do, because he was perfect. He describes an experience he had when meeting a leper on the streets of India during his travels - "What happened in my heart in that moment? My fallen, prone-to-wander heart? Compassion. A little anyway. But it was tepid compassion. The fall has ruined me, all of me, including my emotions. Fallen emotions not only sinfully overreact; they also sinfully underreact. Why was my heart so cool toward this miserable gentleman? Because I am a sinner." Can we not all relate so painfully well to this experience? He goes on to say, "What then must it mean for a sinless man with fully functioning emotions to lay eyes on that leper? Sin restrained my emotions of compassion; what would unrestrained emotions of compassion be like? That is what Jesus felt. Perfect, unfiltered compassion. What must that have been like, rising up within him?"

As imperfect humans, our compassion and emotion is limited by sinful self-absorption. Jesus' was not. And so every emotion that we have felt, including compassion for the vulnerable, He has felt in an unfathomably stronger way than we have. Our emotions are not wrong. God has given women, in particular, deep compassion that sets us apart in a beautiful way. Ortlund goes on to describe that all of the same things mentioned above are also true with anger; compassion and anger both work together and neither emotion is the enemy in and of itself. Emotion drives us to our knees and to activism, hopefully in that order.

At the same time, if we are unwilling to restrain our emotion or conviction, as Jesus did, we will lose our ability to influence anyone around us at all. I am speaking to myself first here, because I am very passionate and very emotional about very many things. But I know that when I do not restrain emotion and choose my words and actions wisely, those around me hear nothing but noise; my own opportunity to influence crowded out by my own actions. Lest this sounds too harsh or condemning, we all should remember that all of God's people are called to self-control when it comes to passions and emotions - men maybe even most of all, more than women. So this is not an unfair or demanding expectation. We must learn how to take our depth of emotion and apply it wisely to stewardship of influence.

It is worthwhile, then, to consider how Jesus Himself stewarded His influence. I'm participating in a spiritual formations course right now, and in a recent lesson we learned about surrender. Jesus' influence on people began with surrender. My notes from Lesson 6 of the course are as follows: If we are controlling, it limits and stifles other people. Jesus, by contrast, empowered people. His interactions with the people around Him always left them in a more powerful state. He did not have this need in Him that we do to put down the other person so that we can be lifted up. Jesus knows powerlessness - He willingly left heaven, where He had all power and control, to come to earth as a baby, where He had no control. There is nothing more vulnerable or out of control than a baby. But unlike our human tendencies, Jesus redeems godly power in a way that transforms, motivates, encourages, and puts a spring in our step.

Isn't that exactly the kind of women we want to be? We want to redeem godly power. God has given us power through His Spirit if we are redeemed by the blood of Jesus! We do not have to fight for power, because we have it! And we want to use it in a way that transforms, motivates and encourages. We want to come alongside others, breathe life into them, refresh them, and have them leave our presence much better than when the came into it. We want this, or at least we want to want it.

If we don't want it, and if instead we want to discourage or limit others, it is probably because we are afraid. We are afraid of letting go of control, because we do not want to feel uncomfortable. And so we know we should want to be graceful and encouraging, but we don't actually put that into practice because it might put us in a place of disadvantage. It's no wonder that we have arrived at this conclusion, because in a fallen world, women who surrender to the power of others do often become disadvantaged. But as godly women, we sometimes overuse that self-defense mechanism to try to keep ourselves out of situations where willingly putting ourselves at a disadvantage in a humble and submissive way is actually the right move. Because remember - surrender. Jesus influence began with surrender.

When we are talking about this kind of surrender - we are not surrendering to other people, or their ideals, or their opinions, or their ungodly agendas, or their selfishness. Jesus did not let ungodly people have their way. Rather, we are surrendering our natural human tendencies to be redeemed by God, in order that we might not block out His light. Jesus never modeled control. He did use His influence to help those around Him change their way of thinking and their way of being. But He did so in a way that drew others to Him - allowing them to become people who reflected His light, not in a way that snuffed out their flame. He put Himself at a great disadvantage, indeed, in order to create a link between earth and heaven. He did not scream to them to come to where He was, like I sometimes do when I call my children down from playing upstairs. Rather He was willing to go to them, suffering and surrendering, in order to influence them in a way that they would never forget.

We have a tremendous amount of influence "from our pantries". In this day and age, not only do we have increasingly critical influence on the culture within our four walls, we also have influence in social media circles, in community conversations (because our opportunity as women is much greater than it was in the past), and even in church decision-making spheres (for the same reason just mentioned). Our influence as women has significantly grown and we must be stewarding it well. This is not the time to criticize, condemn, or control. This is not the time to fight, fear, or to be excessively forward. This is not the time to rise, reign, or rule.

This is the time to surrender our lives to our Maker so that He can be lifted up and in doing so, draw all people to Himself.

Do our words, spoken or written, found themselves firmly upon a deep trust in God or do they suggest a "God + ________" mentality? Do our agendas, spoken or written, reflect an understanding that all humans are created in the image of God and have need? Do we participate in a conversation (small scale or large scale), in order to exercise our own empowerment or to serve and empower others? Do we use our influence to try to feel safe or because we want all people to truly be safe - saved by the blood of Jesus that overcame death? Are we wisely stewarding the influence we've been given to build up the Kingdom?

Practically, as women - we can learn to receive others well, listening in conversation and seeking to understand them. We can show hospitality, serving and giving in order to break down barriers and create connection. We can use our social media posts to share TRUTH - and we should not be using social media posts to circulate things that may or may not be true. We can position ourselves to do as Jesus did, to reach between heaven and earth, to point the way to the Father. Opening our arms is always a vulnerable position to be in, but it is the only way to reach down and reach up at the same time.

Stewardship of influence will always begin with surrender.